Before I start going: Thank you, known and unknown people for your encouraging feed-back on my pages. And if there would be, but there isn´t, negative feed-back, thank you too, I like to learn new things. Anyhow, feed-back is what keeps me going. Just imagine everybody would ignore me?

   It is fascinating to realise how every grown-up feels the compulsion to tell a child what it should NOT do. Today even a mail delivery man at school felt the compelling need to say to the pupil I was with - we met him at the maindoor going inn after recess-: "You should not do this."

    So in our class, we have these programms going. Between other fascinating methods one is exstinction. You just ignore the behavoir you don´t want. Yes, it is as easy as that. The child is kicking, spitting, biting, yelling, throwing things: ignore. Believe it, children between 6 and 8 can´t really hurt you. Older ones? I don´t know really, the older ones at our school have learned not to. It is unbelievable, how quickly undesired behavoir dissappears. Like my sweet little pupil. He was really angry, yelling. No reactons. Then he started throwing things, first small, then bigger, then something really big. Looking at me: don´t you see what I am doing? As I kept on looking out of the window and nobody reacted, he shut up, drew a big breath and said: "go to sleep." Laid down on the sofa and listened to music. Next time? No next time yet, in a week. You get it? No comments for a week and I will stop writing this blog. Will I? No, maybe I get one comment in between and it will make me really powerfull to go on once more. And that is the problem.

   There are these people I started with. People in and out of school who don´t work in our special class, in the bus, in the shop, wherever, they feel compelled to say: "Oh, stop this." "No, you may not do this." Wow, I got attention! Let´s do it again. What else can I do to get attention???

   I got spitting mad the other day. And of course, told the people who ignore, not the other ones. But they do understand what I am talking about. At least, our kids are clever. They do behave, when they have learned, when I am around, or one of our team (most of the time.) And that´s nice for me/us. And, let´s not be unfair. Other people do learn this too. Just give them time (how I hate giving other people time but probably that is what learning in life is all about).

Shut up

   "Ignore" and "shut up" are twins. Don´t talk about the behavoir you are ignoring. Don´t say: "I don´t like it when you do this." He knows. That´s why he is doing it.

   You look and listen and see and hear how people go "bla, bla, bla".

   You give your orders one at a time in as few words as possible. You are NOT trying to teach conversation, you are teaching the kid to do things you want him to do. So you would not say, though it sounds very nice: "Come sweety, do we want to go to lunch now?" It´s a question and the child has the right to answer "no", and be sure, it will do it. Say: "Go to lunch." And you show him a picture of food.

   He doesn´t stop doing whatever he is doing when you say: "Go to lunch" and show him a picture of food? Try a clock and let it ring before you adress him. It works more often than not. DO NOT start talking.

   He will still not come? Show him a picture of food and have a person help you carry him where you want him to be. Have some fun there (:having fun). Still: DO NOT start talking. Say: "Go to lunch."

   Take care what you ask the child to do. When you ask, you have to follow it through, always. Is it really necessary for him to do this now? What point do you want to make? Are you sure you will go through half an hour ignoring yelling, screaming, kicking, throwing things? Yes? Do it.

   Ask only for one thing at once. You have to train the child to listen to a row of instructon. Always train step by step. If a step doesn´t work, go a step back. Go two steps back. Start again at the beginning but don´t talk about it and pull it through.

Say a very short sentence and WAIT. Maybe the child has to think about this words for some time. Repeat your sentence. WAIT. Take the childs hand softly and direct him to what you want him to do. And praise every right movement, every right step until you get blue in your face. Yes I know, I said it before. Don´t forget it.