Praising and having fun
The children with autism come as differently as children with red hair. Think about children with for example diabetis. Would you ever even think of asking: "What are children with diabetis like?" And would you, on the other hand talk about a diabetic individual? It is quite common for people to say "The autistic person ..." That puts the autism in the first place, the person in the second. And then you are dangerously near to forget the person.
In short, what I want to say is: Children with autism are children. They like to be tickled, they like sweets, they like to play. They hurt themselves and need hugging, they get into fights with other children and have to be helped out of them. They love their dad and their mom. They are afraid at their first day at school and it helps when dad or mom sit there and watch over them.
Watch the child.
The first play I had with the boy I am working with was that he jumped down from a table and I held his hands and called "down". It got quite sophisticated, he would climb onto a table (always the same one, mind), wait for my hand, look into my face and when I said "down" he would jump, bursting with laughter. Next day he had to say "down". And did it with enthusiasm. The only drawback of this play was that it was hard on my back. No, we didn't do it all day long.
Watching him running around the classroom I saw that he got our alphabeth puzzle, that he liked playing with cars, his mother told me that he liked a sip of Coke. Later I found soap bubbles, many little spins, mouth organ, little things of snack and one special book. When I go shopping I look around me to see if there are things which could wake his interest.
What do you want to accomplish when you play with your child?
You would like to get his attention. To show him that it is fun to be with you. That you do more than supply food. Open him up to his surroundings. Get joined attention, a concept children with autism have difficulties to grasp. In the end you want to teach him to play, first with you, than with others. On the way you also find out what he likes and can use that to work with in the future.
I think that when you start to play with the child in your care, you will have to act some silly. If your are a shy person, draw the curtains. Then only god will laugh at you and he likes laughing. Make every gesture big. Play with your face. Keep changing your voice, make yourself interesting. Become a interpreteur, do things the child will not expect, will you manage a somersault? Can you stand on your hands and talk at the same time? Bend down, grin between your feet and say "hi, Tom". Go into the sleeping room and throw cushions. Hit him. Get hit. If you get the childs attention, you are on the right way.
Can you try on silly hats together and laugh at the mirror? Tell Tom that now we are laughing. Put a word on the things you are doing together. Do you have big, stupid sunglasses? High heels to clatter along the floor? A big plaid where you can hide under (with a cooky you showed him before)? A plaid to "catch a child?" Look for him under the plaid. Will you find him? Will you tickle him? It’s soo exciting!
A rope that will snake along the floor and he must fetch to get a cookie fastened to it?
No, this will probably not work in the first 10 minutes. Watch the reaction of the child. If you get a response – a look, a smile, a gesture, anything, keep on going. You get yourself attuned to tiny bits of communication. When the child looses interest, after 1 minute, after 10 minutes, stop. You are having fun together, not a learning session. Offer the fun again some time later. Hopefully he will initiate having fun. Be ready.
Some Ideas for playing with children:
Have some kind of tube to run a toycar down inside. If he likes it, he will get the car to let it run down again. Make it exciting, "where is the car?" Lift the tube up and the car will come out the other end: "Oh, there it is!" The child will have as much fun as you yourself can master. The attention span may be very short, so, play quick and with emphasis. The child is covering his ears? Next time you whisper.
Try playing ball. The easiest way is to roll the ball along the floor into the direction of the child. Sit on the floor and have your legs spread. Bounce the ball. Whisper: Ball. Give him applause when he gets the ball. No? Get a BIG ball. No? Have some little jumpy balls and let them jump at the same time.(Take care of your postuline). If you want the child to grip the ball: you make it easier for him if the ball bounces from the floor into his hands. Get really excited when he gets the ball. Clap your hands, jump up and down. Give him a tiny piece of something he likes to eat. It doesn´t have to be something sweet.
Ball playing with my son:
We both sat on the floor with legs spread wide, Marinó in a corner, so he would not run away. He was about 5 years old then. I sat opposite him, toes touching (to keep his legs where they should be). A nice bright ball. "Roll" I would yell or whisper and push the ball to him, quite hard, so he would notice. "Marinó roll", and sometimes he would roll it back. Half a year later I would sit some meters away and we would be rolling the ball. Later still I would bounce it to him, so he would grab it. And he would bounce it back. It was soo exciting! He became an expert to dribble the ball, like they do in basketball. He didn´t have to look, just run around the flat with a ball jumping under his hand. He started kicking the ball, don´t mind the goal. Now we can stand some people in a circle and throw the ball between us. He needs some help, though. He needs somebody to say "catch" and somebody else to clap hands to show him where the ball should go next. The moving trees are so interesting! He needs applause. He needs somebody to say what a clever boy he is and that we love him.
Does your child like bowling? Put some water into plastic bottles (glue the cap on so it can´t spill) get a ball and off you go. Soon you and him are ready to go to the bowling hall.
Does your child like playing with water, sand and little stones? Get a box and let the stones fall "klink" into the box. First you, than him, one at a time. Say: "One at a time". Say: "First me … than you". Push the box longer and longer away. Still hitting? Isn´t it exciting?
I could go on and on. And I will, later. Now I just wanted to give you ideas. The possiblities are endless and depend on what the child likes, how it reacts.
Have your fun easy, visual and exciting. Try out things you have at hand.
For now I will let you read this. You hear more from me when the next batch is ready.
Touching
Now I am reflecting on the myths connected to children with autism.
Lets start on not wanting to be touched.
Touching comes in endless forms. You can touch lightly, you can slap. You can kiss, hug, kuddle. You can tickle, blow or stroke. You can get picky to get attention and take the hand of somebody to lead him and on and on.
Who touches? The parents, the grandparents, the siblings, in short, well known persons. The teachers. Not so well known persons: The distant family, the doctors, the dentists. Strangers? Perhaps.
When do you touch? You would touch a person to show that you love or at least like him. You could touch a person in anger. In play. Saying hallo and good bye, according to the custom of each country. A person gets touched professionally. And incidentially, in rows, in cinema, at the shop.
So, what is "getting touched"?
Stop reading a moment and think about by whom, how and when you like to be touched, or not.
How was it when you you were a child? Some headpatting maybe? Elderly relatives; ladies with funny hats and a scratchy mustach and wet lips kissing and hugging you? Grown ups pushing you out of a row? A doctor giving you a shot?
Do you remember the smell of people kissing, hugging or touching you?
Have you noticed this split second before people hug? Getting the affirmation from each other that it it fine for them hug at this time and this place?
Now I will do a dangerous thing, I will imagine and fantasise with the backup of what I have heard, read and experienced about people with autism.
Here we got these children who are diagnosed for having a lack of communication skills. Though they are verbal they probably have difficulties in understanding the meaning of words, sentences, concepts.
The world around them might seem disintegrated at times and have a lack of meaning. Trees dancing in the wind and people dancing to music have a similar effect on them.
So just imagine you being this happy little boy, sitting in your chair having happy private thoughts. Suddenly there is a hand on your shoulder.
You know The Hand from the Adams Family? This sweet little Hand, tickering about? Wouldn’t you be shrieking like hell if The Hand were suddenly to appeare on your shoulder? We, the others, we know that hands don´t run around unattached to bodies. I think children with autism don´t.
So, position yourself that you are visible to the child. Let him know you are there. Don’t move too quickly in on him. Give him time to see you, to assemble your different bodyparts as there are head, hands and legs and preferably, let him know that you will touch him. Let him know what you are going to do: "Fix outfit." "May I give you a good bye kiss?" "Let me clean your face." "Come, let’s hug."
Coming to think about it, I do this with all my grandchildren. Really, it’s just being polite.
Being polite is a concept people with autism rarely grasp. They can learn how to behave in certain circumstances: You shake hands when you arrive, you say good bye when you leave. But politness in itself as doing something because of somebody else, is not in their repertoir.
Give them time to relax in their surrounding.
When our son comes home, he will storm into the house and look if everything is as it should be. Who is at home? Is dinner on it’s way and what will it be? Are all the doors, windows, closets, and drawers closed? When he is satisfied and feels safe he will come, say "hallo" to me in sign language and give me a hug and a kiss. Then he will settle down in his father’s easychair.
You need to teach touching as early as possible. Low functional individuals have to be touched all their lives, if only for sanitary reasons. They must be kept clean, you have to cut their finger- and toenails, comb their hair, clean them after the use of the toilet. They often need help, dressing or fixing their outfit. They will have sessions við doctors and dentists. And a hug is important for humans.
All children can learn to be touched and even to like it. Go easy on them. Usually it is easiest masssaging their feet through the socks. You can sit far enough away not to be a danger and the child doesn’t have to tolerate your smell. Grip a foot when you look at television or listen to music. Get a good grip, don´t tickel, massage the toes. When the child draws back, let go. Try again later. You know horses? You would tame horses that way. Try the same with the back of the hands. Use long, quiet strokes. Talk about what you are doing. "Stroking softly soft hands." Work up the lower arms. Make plays with hand tickeling, clapping. Run with your fingers up his arm and tickle. Eat peppermints.
As a rule: Those parts of the body which turn outside if you would make a ball of yourself are the least sensible. You can stroke them, brush with a soft brush, massage gently. Get the trust of the child and it will be a good relaxiation. Make the touching part of your routine. Have a picture for it. Have a picture of two people hugging.
Go to the school nurse often. Let her have fun with the child. Let him be weighted and check his height. Show him how he is growing.
Some children don’t like soft touches. They search for deep pressure. You can roll them into a stiff blanket, head outside. Or a small carpet. Offer them two mattresses to crawl in between. And then start at the toes.
Marinó liked to sit on an easy chair behind me and pull me back till I pressed into him. When he got older and really irritated I tried to sit on him, yes, carefully, and it helped him relax. Still, he loves tickeling. He takes my hand, says "tickle" and lets me tickle very lightly the inner side of his arms, his back or his calves. He gets all goose bumpy with this and loves it shuddering.
If I come too quickly too near, he will draw back. When I say: "Give me a hug and a kiss," he will both come and hug me and offer his cheek. He often comes by himself, hugs me and puts his lips on my cheek.
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